Being Actively Anti-Racist: It’s Not a Gold Star — It’s a Way of Life

From hotline calls to parenting to protests — I’ve learned that silence is never neutral.

My friend said to me, “Michelle,” in her authoritative tone, “language is fluid.” I paused. We had been discussing a word, maybe it was regardless vs irregardless, and she simply named how things evolve, and even language evolves like we do.^⁠¹ And, that got me thinking about Maya Angelou, who, among many things, said, “When you know better, do better.” The way we say things matters. And, it evolves. When I was in high school, in the 90s, we talked about “transsexual” people, now we say things like “transgender” and “genderfluid”, and we’ve added things into our introductions, like, “What pronouns do you use?” We have evolved to meet the needs of now. We have evolved to be more open, addressing oppression and striving to use language more accurately. We have evolved from interrupting oppression to being actively anti-racist, and that is important, and it matters.

We talked a lot about labels in my senior year sociology class. For instance, what happens when a child is labeled a “bad kid”? Suddenly, you stop looking for other patterns and just chalk up behaviors to the “bad kid.” It becomes, in this instance, a self-perpetuating loop where the kid doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt. Labels frame what is possible - or how we limit ourselves. When we look at a person or a group and label them “lazy” or “criminals”, we limit our hope for what is possible. We fail to see people as individuals with choices and opportunities. And, it’s important to interrupt when people label groups through their biases. So, we interrupt it. I’ve been coached to say things like, “Ouch,” in the moment, as a quick way to stop the bigotry from continuing. Interrupting oppression was taught to me by a local non-profit through our community hotline work. They learned it from other groups and movement spaces. The disruption offered reflection and opened space for crucial conversations. But, it didn’t always point to the next phase - in part because, in this instance, we were on a hotline call.

I presume, dear reader, that you have been taught modern history. In modern history, we learn that women fought for the right to vote and secured it in 1920. But Black people’s and other minorities’ rights weren’t granted until 1965. If you are a white male or white woman, and you cannot see that rights have been tiered, hard fought, and barely granted within my lifetime, you are choosing to bury your head in the sand. This is systemic racism at play. The Voting Rights Act was passed in 1965. It immediately had to be defended and expanded. And, if you fail to acknowledge that, then you are choosing to uphold the systemic racism that brought us here. You, then, are a part of the problem. And, I need you to step into a life of being actively anti-racist.

I need you to choose to wake up. I need you to engage in your critical thinking and lead with your humanity, where we believe that all people, no matter what they look like, where they were born, or where they call home now, deserve a life of their own making. This means we must actively check our thoughts. This means we actively say sorry when we say the wrong name, or make an assumption about what people are because of what we think their ethnicity is. This means we actively invite people who look like us to deepen their own anti-racist and anti-black sentiments so we can really make room for a world where everyone has the chance to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Because here’s the thing - all people deserve to live their best life. Because our social contract has said for too many years that one group has rights over another, based on perceived looks, we have a duty to be actively anti-racist.

Every day.

We all have unconscious biases^⁠² that are programmed into our being, and we need to unwind those actively. We have too many people in our world who like to blame the “other.” It shows up when George Floyd is murdered, among so many others. It shows up as the hate and vitriol that come when folks stand up and protest. The need to be actively anti-racist shows up when administrations think DEI doesn’t need to exist anymore. And, it absolutely exists when we see a concrete rise of fascism.

This is not a drill, and silence is not neutrality.

When we are silent, we side with the oppressor. That is not okay. It is essential that you and I are crystal clear about the just world we want to usher in and actively work towards bringing it into being, now.

Being actively anti-racist is a daily, hourly practice. So, what does it mean? Let’s be clear, being actively anti-racist is not a gold star you win. So, please drop the savior complex. This is a way of being because all people deserve dignity, and when people cling to sound bites and assumptions, we erase the dignity of those directly impacted by this racist social contract. Even I need to actively engage my “Director” (my prefrontal cortex, aka my executive functioning part of my brain) to be reviewing my thoughts, to be measuring my words, to ensure I truly do think before I speak.

Being anti-racist, being anti-oppression, extends to being anti-sexist, to being anti-fatphobia, anti-ablesism, etc.

Gosh, are you thinking how exhausting this mental load is?

Well, dear, I think that’s your privilege speaking. Because if you had an ounce of the exhaustion our Black and Brown brothers and sisters have had, you would seriously check that thought.

Being actively anti-racist means you believe that all people deserve dignity for being human. It means you come with the responsibility that says, “I will not rely on news clips and 30-second sound bites,” to decide on someone. Being actively anti-racist means centering your values on justice, equity, and safety.

Being actively anti-racist means we are intentional about how we show up in our workplaces, parenting, communities, and activism.

When you are in the workplace, how do you discern applications in hiring?

• Have you taken measurements of what your team looks like across a variety of demographics?

• Have you measured who you fire?

• Have you checked for any disparities?

• Have you considered the emotional labor it takes for different types of people in your workplace to thrive?

When my son was in early elementary school, we sent him to summer school at the local Baptist church. The church was made up predominantly of Black people. One day, my son told me that he felt the other children were being favored, and it seemed that this perspective applied to more than just summer school. I tried to explain to my young child, in words he might understand, that this isn’t the case in the rest of the world. But, this is one example of where I tried to teach my son about the social contract and how it unfairly measures some people over others. I tried to name bias, I work every day naming consent, and I always encourage critical thinking. Because these are the tools that will help unwind the programming we’ve all been subjected to.

This post has taken longer to write than I thought it would. I wanted to post last week, and alas, I’m finishing it one day after the “No Kings”^⁠³ protests around the nation. (One report I read said over 12.1 million people showed up, triggering that crucial 3.5% of people to make a profound difference.⁴)^⁠ Protests, much like the Day Without Child Care I worked on with my team, are a way to measure if we have enough power. With 3.5% turning out, we might have enough power to right this fascist ship. But, it will take more than protests. We need to build relationships with one another and our decision-makers. We need better policies in place and acted upon. And, we must repair the harms that have been done. We must hold each other and decision makers accountable. And, we must hold each other centered in love and truth.

If you do a web search for principles of leading an active anti-racist life, you will get a lot of tips. Here are mine, right now - four core practices.

1. Self-Reflection & Education

Read books by people with direct experience. James Baldwin, Audre Lorde, and belle hooks, are just three authors that come to mind in this moment. Remember to activate your Director and reflect on your thoughts. We are deprogramming ourselves. Consider that racism, as we know it, dates back to the 1600s. You can also consider that this level of othering we are experiencing dates back thousands of years. So we have 500 to thousands of years of programming that have been passed down from generation to generation. That takes work. So, read. Listen to stories from directly impacted people, Black and Brown people. Actively engage in unlearning. Show up with curiosity, and listen.

2. Amplifying Marginalized Voices

This means sharing the resources you encounter. This means intentionally visiting places run by Black and Brown people. This means compensating people for their work.

3. Advocacy & Allyship

We have to organize. A piece of organizing, bringing more people into the things we want to change, is working on the policies that affect our everyday lives. So that means aligning with organizations that are working on active change. This means working to support policies that will unwind the harms we have done as a society. This is how we amplify our collective voices: by standing shoulder to shoulder, together.

4. Creating Inclusive Spaces

This means we create safe and inclusive spaces on our Zoom calls - for fun and at work. This means in our homes. This means in our meetings. This means, in our movements. Some Black friends told me they didn’t feel safe coming to my home if they visited my city, because they know my husband is racist. Will my home even be safe for them? That is hard. And, that’s the reality we are also in. If someone comes to my home and makes a racist comment (or starts to), I will interrupt it. It’s the least I can do to say, “That’s not okay, and we don’t do that here.”

So, where does this leave us? We need to remember that language is fluid. Like the way we parent and lead. Being “correct” isn’t it - perfectionism is a tool of the patriarchy to keep us frozen - this is about being committed to doing good work.

Back to what Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, do better.” We can temperature check our own progress by pausing to reflect, “How am I different today than I was 5 years ago?” And then name the differences. Think about the actions you can take to be clear in your values and show up with dignity and respect.

And, as always - take my survey! It’s a simple but meaningful step toward naming our collective values.

1. Byrd & Jai. When Your Son Talk Backs to You in “Old English.” n.d. [Tik Tok Video]. If you do want to experience an unchanged language, this is a really fun way to do it.

2. Unconscious bias, or implicit bias, is the programming we all suffer from. We must be really active here to uncover it and not participate in it.

3. Visit nokings.org to see the breadth of protests across the nation. These protests rose in conjunction with the 50501 movement, and others, as a direct response to the fascist takeover we are experiencing.

4. Check out Erica Chenoweth’s research on nonviolent movement history.