The Social Contract We Never Agreed To

Let’s go, bitches — the contract was a lie.

Reflections From Nearly 20 Years Ago

I was sitting on the couch, frozen, immobile. I was in school, finishing my bachelor’s. That was my track. I was finally going to finish. But at that moment I was sick.

Morning sickness.

I had been sick for a week, and then I found out I was pregnant.

It took me what felt like so long to get the degree program that fit my goals, my passion, my mission, and now I was going to have a baby.

My cradle Catholic upbringing had me quite programmed to believe that having an abortion was a sin, so there was no way I was going to commit that sin. (Choice is for other people, not for me — because on some level I still struggle with accepting abortion as healthcare.)

I am in a relationship. I was then, and I still am. But it isn’t a great one. Sure, we are companionable, but we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of core things.

What the actual fuck did I get myself into?

I wasn’t done with school. I had no idea of resources to help me. I worked 20 hours per week at $12 per hour.

I knew to sign up for Medicaid (Oregon Health Plan). I was told to go to a specific location because they were kind there (the location didn’t actually matter). So, we got healthcare, but that was it at the moment.

Later, money and jobs shifted after the baby was born, and we qualified for other safety net services, but one thing we never figured out was child care.

Suddenly, we were reliant on each other to support this family we created together, but never planned.

That’s how my son’s life started. Almost 19 years ago.

In that moment, on the couch, I had flashbacks to what my mother must have gone through. At that moment, I was 28; she was 21 when it happened to her.

She was in a relationship that never should have been — and she got pregnant with me.

The cycles repeated because the systems didn’t change.

I cannot underscore how much I love my son and am glad he is alive. I cannot underscore the privilege I feel to be able to interact with the people in my life and live my life the best way I know how.

But our social contract is designed to prevent people without generational wealth from living their best lives the way they know how.

Our Social Contract

I refuse to accept that my suffering — that my mother’s suffering — was necessary or noble. I understand now that our suffering is part of the social contract we were born into that keeps us exhausted and isolated to the point that we don’t want to fight.

So, I get curious: what would have happened to my mother if she had choice?

Where would I be if I had choice?

Where would we be if wraparound services were the norm? We choose to have these babies, but what would have happened if we were compensated for the care work we did for those children (me, my son) and by extension the families (husbands) we supported? What would have happened if all of our housing, child care, healthcare were … just figured out?

What would have happened if it wasn’t manufactured chaos?

And, that’s exactly what we have today. Manufactured chaos.

This is chaos as a governance strategy.

This is scarcity used as control.

Our Current Moment

On this New Year’s Eve, as the day came to a close on the East Coast, there are reports that this administration will be freezing all childcare subsidy money come Monday, January 5 because of a lie used as justification.

An inflammatory piece, targeting one childcare center in Minnesota, led to childcare subsidy freezes in Minnesota and a few hours later for the whole nation.

THE WHOLE NATION.

According to the government’s records, in 2021 (the most recent year available), more than 11 million children qualified for child care subsidy. But, less than 2 million actually received the subsidy. Eighty-five percent of those who qualified never got the support they needed.^⁠¹

Now, no one will.

Child care infrastructure is autonomy for women.

Reproductive health is autonomy for women.

Cruelty is the point.

We are at a choice point, again. Empire is showing us exactly who they are. They are going after fraud that won’t pay out, when instead we could tax billionaires and audit them. They are going after the least among us because we are the most tired — and they assume we will be the least likely to fight back.

If we are alone, we won’t fight back.

But, when we come together — when we organize. When we recognize we deserve a different path, when we choose to stand in our power and make them tremble with our ferocity — only then will we begin to forge an economy and a world rooted in care, rooted in women’s autonomy.

We deserve a care economy. When we are cared for, we have autonomy. When our core foundations are cared for, we can move toward our purpose.

Our purpose — not the billionaire class’s control mechanism.

When we stand in our power, in our boundaries, and hold clearly to that which we deserve — a new social contract that honors each of us for the dignity and respect we deserve — they cannot stop us.

When we center women’s autonomy, all others will have a chance to rise.

So, on this New Year’s Eve, let us come together and recenter our beliefs that we deserve a new social contract, and let the news of today be the fuel to our fire to burn it all down — we rise anyway.

1. Chien, Nina. 2024. Estimates of Childcare Subsidy Eligibility & Receipt for Fiscal Year 2021. Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://aspe.hhs.gov/reports/child-care-eligibility-fy2021.