Empathy, Listening, and the Unseen Labor of Motherhood
A mother's perspective on raising sons with empathy, listening skills, and a sense of responsibility.
Hey Substack reader,
This post is part vent and part call to action for more empathy, listening, and making connections. Subscribers can comment. I would love to hear your thoughts.
I’m waiting for the other end to be answered. It stops ringing, and a male voice streams from my speaker, “XYZ Company, this is Zachary. How may I help you?”
I can’t help it. I silently groan. The chances are slim that a male customer service rep can help. Usually, they lack empathy, are too rigid in their listening and thinking, and cannot “read between the lines,” and the lack of empathy really means they cannot hear the emotion behind whatever I am saying.
And, if they sound young, triple the dissatisfaction. Young and male, and they are nearly guaranteed to be unhelpful.
They won’t track the simple details I give them. They cling to one thing, forgetting the context of the whole picture. They revert to rules instead of hearing when you say, “It didn’t work like that <insert a timeline where it did work>.” Because whatever happened in the past clearly isn’t indicative of the present moment.
Do you ever feel this? Is it just me?
I read through these words. In these words, I want to demonstrate some trends in the world we need to change. And it’s hard for me to unsee the whiny female portion of it.
And, let us remember, how many mothers are the only ones who answer the phone when the school calls? How many mothers are the ones that make sure the clothes are ready for school or the event? How many mothers guarantee food is thought of and on the table before dad deign lift a finger or maybe consider take out? How many mothers fall into these default roles, then their work is glossed over and made invisible?
Those “soft skills” of empathy, reading between the lines, and flexible thinking - the skills the “male-dominated world” can’t handle—the skills we really need to move our world to a better place.
(I called another company that handled the same sort of business and got an older woman who did have the same message as Zachary, but she also filled in the context of why the thing might have worked before.)
I am a mother of a son. And, I find myself repeating to him, “If you choose to have a partner when you are older, they won’t put up leaving your things to be taken care of by them. You have to pull your weight. You have to be a good roommate, housemate, partner. And it’s my job to train you up that way.”
He can’t reconcile why there isn’t a good model to learn from right now.
Empathy, listening, and connection skills will help bring about “fair play” in relationships. They will make more effective employees. And they are absolutely necessary for humanity. Our lack of cultural empathy has brought us to where we are with so much death and destruction. Our lack of listening, truly listening, has brought us here when we refuse to hear when someone says, “That’s not working for me, and I need something different.” The inability to see connections … well, it just fails us all.
And we must do better for our sons, for our children, and for the generations now and in the future.
I wish for the day when I don’t inwardly groan when I hear a male voice on the other side of the customer service line, where I can confidently know I will be listened to and cared for. Don’t you?