Choosing the Third Way
Between control and collapse, there’s a radical alternative — rooted in rhythm and collective care.
When my son was in elementary school, the dualistic tension of our world really screamed at me. He must have been in either first or second grade. It was in the fall, likely November to December. Left to my own rhythm — with no job, no family obligations — I naturally run on a 6-to-8-week rolling schedule. And, this is even more important when managing family calendars. I live by my calendar, and I have since I was born.
Now, when my son was in school, it seemed like we’d be told to show up to this once-in-a-lifetime thing with less than a week’s notice. Such as the Holiday Concert, where all the grades perform songs they’ve been practicing for weeks. At the same time, my job at a local non-profit was trying to end the year. And that meant financial reports, year-end reports, and parties — so many parties. We hosted events to honor our volunteers and high-end donors, including the annual galas to raise necessary funds for the organization. And then we attended more parties to honor the same people.
A saving grace with my husband not pursuing white collar work is that we didn’t have obligations he was told to meet.
All of these things were happening in the time of year when we have the least daylight. (Remember my Wheel of the Year?) This is the time of year when things hibernate - trees and other plants go dormant, and some animals literally go to sleep. And, here we are rushing, as a culture, between all the activities when our energy is depleted in the name of what? In the name of honoring tradition. (Queue Fiddler on the Roof1.)
This is a prime example of our conditioning, where we are trained to think in terms of either/or, this or that. We are either hustling (doing all the things) or burning out (without reflecting that it’s because we are doing all the things!). This binary thinking isn’t just limiting, it’s also a tool of oppression. Maybe this is where the phrase, “You’re either damned if you do or damned if you don’t,” comes from.
But I get curious. What if we didn’t have to do things like that? What if there were another way to live?
What if there were a Third Way?
The Third Way is not the middle of the binary — it’s the sacred refusal to stay within a false choice. The Third Way isn’t being nice or even kind. It’s absolutely not a compromise to go along to get along.
The Third Way is a way of thinking that integrates the complex world we live in. Sometimes deadlines are due (let’s reflect on that later) when the world wants to rest. So, how do we honor the “both and?” The Third Way considers that, “and maybe we do that this time, but when we build our schedules for next time, we really evaluate the energy flows and natural rhythms around us to build our cycles.” We honor collective care — so that the people doing the work can truly rest and be at their best when they do it. The Third Way roots in consent, in cycles, and in wholeness. And by doing this, we will disrupt systems of extraction. We will lay down 2.
“For the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.”
Audre Lorde
The Third Way is a radical invitation to do things differently now. Because we must create the foundations now. There is a prophecy from the Indigenous people of the Americas that we are faced with two paths: one of concrete and one of green3. The path of concrete is ultimately one of destruction. The path of green is full of rejuvenation, growth, and really thinking with seven generations.
The Third Way is a path of reverence and resistance — grounded in cycles, collective care, and the magic of enough.
Our radical invitation asks us to examine the spaces we occupy: as employee/boss, parent, friend, volunteer, and more. In these roles, in these spaces, how is it run? Do you have a “do as I say” culture, or do you truly seek input from the ground up? Do you honor the rhythms set forth in your organization and in nature, or do you just do what the person or group you are serving says to do with little to no examination of burnout?
Do you participate in circles where the focus is on ritual and rhythm, but they don’t actually hold people accountable? Or do you find yourself in places where they try to “do all the right things,” like have DEI in place or are selective in who’s on the board, but real change is elusive because the change wasn’t actually built with directly impacted people? These are all forms of performance in our dualistic world that are begging to step into the Third Way.
Stepping into the Third Way means we stop hiding. Stepping into the Third Way means we stop dominating or thinking we need to be loud first.
Stepping into the Third Way means we can be centered, sometimes, and we are also checking to make sure all voices are heard. Stepping into the Third Way means we have our agency and our community responsibility. Stepping into the Third Way recognizes you matter, and so do we.
We are still living in systems that are shaped by control, ever-growing consolidation in monopolies, and ever more extraction. We have examples of companies that are changing how we do business, such as Patagonia, Bob’s Red Mill, or Altar PDX. These organizations embody transparency, source sustainability, and show up with mutual care. What might this look like if more companies behaved this way? The Third Way requires that we build foundations exemplified in companies like those listed if we are going to see the path of green.
It really does take all of us, together, to make the world we deserve. It takes all of us being brave to have conversations about values, what’s important to us, and really rethinking business as usual. Ask yourself:
What would it look like if your business or workplace truly honored natural rhythms?
What would it look like if leadership really flowed from the ground up?
In parenting, we have this idea that you are either an authoritarian parent or a permissive parent. (You’ll do it because I said so! OR Go ahead, darling, whatever you want.) Talk to any early childhood educator, and they will tell you children need routines and love. Neither authoritarianism nor permissiveness is rooted in what children actually need. We can give children choices and keep them rooted to boundaries, and that actions have consequences. When we root in this new way of parenting, we give ourselves a large tool in healing generational trauma — the hurt and pain can literally stop with us. And, that’s a powerful “yes, and.”
The Third Way will show up in everyday life, too. In activism and organizing, we can reject collapse or outrage posting. We can lean into being strategic and holding relational resistance. In our shopping and consumption, we can reject fast fashion while also rejecting moral purity in purchasing. We can lean into small, meaningful shifts, like supporting hyper-local women seamstresses who source sustainable fabrics. When we call out harm, we can lean into being rooted in disruption and dialogue instead of not saying anything at all or defaulting to shaming. We have choice. We can choose the “yes, and,” the Third Way.
I have noticed binary thinking rises when things are hard, like now with this clear rise of fascism, with economic strain, and with every cultural backlash that happens. But here’s the thing: authoritarianism depends on false choices. Either/or is false thinking. The Third Way, however, is not neutral, because we are making choices rooted in action and compassion. The Third Way can be revolutionary. The Third Way offers discernment, it invites creativity, and it roots us in relational resilience.
To make change, often, we need to go inward. So, my parting words to you today will be a reflection. Talk this out with a friend, write in your journal. Whatever you do, I want you to consider:
Where have you felt caught between two bad choices?
Where are you already choosing a Third Way?
What helps you stay rooted in complexity?
And, remember, we must figure out our shared values if we are going to collectively step into the Third Way. So, tell me what values you are carrying into your own Third Way. Take my Values Survey, now, because we must figure out our shared values as a key to stepping into the Third Way.
This ends our June reflections. In July, we’ll dig more into what it means to work or build a business with the Third Way in mind, how we work with our families, and how we show up in life. This is the regenerative lens, I believe, we must carry forward. Be sure to share this with another if you want to build our community together.
Finally, let’s take a breath together. My favorite is a 4-4-8 count (breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, let go for eight counts). And keep these words with you:
There is always another way.
May we have the courage to imagine it.
May we have the clarity to name it.
May we have the community to live it.“Tradition” is such a great song. And, I think of it every time someone wants to do something that isn’t traditional. The challenge the characters faced in Fiddler was that they were forced to break tradition.
Morsberger, Cameron. “Breaking Tradition and Honoring the Past in ‘Fiddler on the Roof.’” Needham Local: A News Service of the Needham Channel, November 21, 2024. https://needhamlocal.org/2024/11/breaking-tradition-and-honoring-the-past-in-fiddler-on-the-roof/.
Lorde, Audre. “The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House.” Crossing Press, 2007 1979. theanarchistlibrary.org.
The story of the paths, I may have heard from Winona LaDuke at a sustainability fair I had the privilege to attend just before COVID (I think it was February 2020). But, I had heard this idea before, and it has also been linked to another way of being - thinking of seven generations either ahead of us, or we sit in the middle. This presentation goes into more detail and explains the prophecy clearer than I remember it.
I will also add, La Duke has stepped down from her role leading Honor the Earth because of sexual harassment complaints where she didn’t act to defend an employee in 2014/2015. You can read more on that here.
La Duke, Winona. “Prophecy of the Seventh Fire: Choosing the Path That Is Green.” Presented at the Thirty-Seventh Annual E.F. Schumacher Lectures, Mahaiwe Performing Arts Center, Great Barrington, MA, November 2017. https://centerforneweconomics.org/publications/prophecy-of-the-seventh-fire-choosing-the-path-that-is-green/.